Reflections
I have to say that I found this module difficult and it
could actually be argued that I have had an easier journey than most others. At
the start of this module I was fairly hopeful that I would be moving to
Plymouth University to start my teacher training and thanks to the amazing
support from my lecturers and my peers I have been accepted. This gave me a
unique perspective on where my future after PCA would take me.
Whilst listening to the guest lecturers that came to visit,
plans were already afoot to take the next step in my professional career and
listening to the struggles that these people had to go through to get to where
they were was sounded incredibly intimidating. It was through observing my
lecturers throughout the last three years that really got me thinking about
where I wanted to go after i had finished.
For me, I thought that teaching would be something that
could provide a solid sustainable base where I could not only continue to
investigate my interest in contextual theory but also provide me with an avenue
to continue making films and collaborating with others.
I saw many similarities in the professional struggles as
told by the lecturers as well as the accounts of the established professionals
that I have worked with outside of college i.e. Mark Smith at The Dark Box. I
knew that I didn't want to try and struggle to keep my head above water
financially and worry about when the next bulk of work would come in. At my age
with a responsibility to property as
well as having to fight for work outside of my film work for the last few years,
the notion of uncertainty is not attractive, it's not something that I would
consider to be a viable option, essentially i wanted to utilise this opportunity
to forge a new career for the long term future.
The way I saw things was that If I could become a lecturer
in contextual theory it would serve to fulfil
a lifelong goal of being able to teach people a subject that I love and after
almost sixteen years working as a professional within the care industry, I know
that I couldn't pass this opportunity to start the next chapter of my working
life.
Being a lover of film for as early as I can remember, it
always saddened me my working years before I enrolled at PCA that I would
always be an appreciator rather than a contributor, I always assumed that the opportunity
to be a creative force, no matter how big or small, would never come.
I would always argue that I have valued my learning
experiences over the last three years more than any of my peers, simply because
I never thought that I would ever able to express myself creatively within this
medium. I felt lost and disillusioned before I started my studies and now,
three years later I have made my own films, been given freelance work, been
given chances to work at major music festivals and meet some extraordinary
people. I never been an academic person, I was told it was maybe because I had
never found something that I was passionate about to really learn about, now I
am receiving grades that are very notable and people outside of college seem to
be genuinely impressed by what I do, which , although not the reason I took
part in my studies. does go some way to helping me feel validated and
significant after many years of feeling insignificant. whilst running the risk
of sounding trite and overly earnest, I feel like i have taken an advantage of
the chance to pursue my chosen path rather than so many others who will settle
for less and never take that step towards finding something that really makes
you happy.
This screening event that I am a part of, is the culmination
of three years of hard work from everybody in my peer group and I intend to
help out with the organisation as much as possible. I intend to screen my final
film, although due to circumstances beyond my control, is not totally finished.
More importantly I intend to celebrate in everyone's achievements peers and
lecturers alike, knowing that a large chunk of our lives has been devoted to
making something that we can all step back and be proud of. Although my personal
life has been thrown into upheaval within the last few months my passion for
the subject and the experiences I have had though my studies have kept me going.
I look forward to an tough and intense year and hopefully
a bright and prosperous future
