Reflections

Reflections

I have to say that I found this module difficult and it could actually be argued that I have had an easier journey than most others. At the start of this module I was fairly hopeful that I would be moving to Plymouth University to start my teacher training and thanks to the amazing support from my lecturers and my peers I have been accepted. This gave me a unique perspective on where my future after PCA would take me.

Whilst listening to the guest lecturers that came to visit, plans were already afoot to take the next step in my professional career and listening to the struggles that these people had to go through to get to where they were was sounded incredibly intimidating. It was through observing my lecturers throughout the last three years that really got me thinking about where I wanted to go after i had finished.

For me, I thought that teaching would be something that could provide a solid sustainable base where I could not only continue to investigate my interest in contextual theory but also provide me with an avenue to continue making films and collaborating with others.

I saw many similarities in the professional struggles as told by the lecturers as well as the accounts of the established professionals that I have worked with outside of college i.e. Mark Smith at The Dark Box. I knew that I didn't want to try and struggle to keep my head above water financially and worry about when the next bulk of work would come in. At my age with a responsibility to property  as well as having to fight for work outside of my film work for the last few years, the notion of uncertainty is not attractive, it's not something that I would consider to be a viable option, essentially i wanted to utilise this opportunity to forge a new career for  the long term future.

The way I saw things was that If I could become a lecturer in  contextual theory it would serve to fulfil a lifelong goal of being able to teach people a subject that I love and after almost sixteen years working as a professional within the care industry, I know that I couldn't pass this opportunity to start the next chapter of my working life.

Being a lover of film for as early as I can remember, it always saddened me my working years before I enrolled at PCA that I would always be an appreciator rather than a contributor, I always assumed that the opportunity to be a creative force, no matter how big or small, would never come.

I would always argue that I have valued my learning experiences over the last three years more than any of my peers, simply because I never thought that I would ever able to express myself creatively within this medium. I felt lost and disillusioned before I started my studies and now, three years later I have made my own films, been given freelance work, been given chances to work at major music festivals and meet some extraordinary people. I never been an academic person, I was told it was maybe because I had never found something that I was passionate about to really learn about, now I am receiving grades that are very notable and people outside of college seem to be genuinely impressed by what I do, which , although not the reason I took part in my studies. does go some way to helping me feel validated and significant after many years of feeling insignificant. whilst running the risk of sounding trite and overly earnest, I feel like i have taken an advantage of the chance to pursue my chosen path rather than so many others who will settle for less and never take that step towards finding something that really makes you happy.

This screening event that I am a part of, is the culmination of three years of hard work from everybody in my peer group and I intend to help out with the organisation as much as possible. I intend to screen my final film, although due to circumstances beyond my control, is not totally finished. More importantly I intend to celebrate in everyone's achievements peers and lecturers alike, knowing that a large chunk of our lives has been devoted to making something that we can all step back and be proud of. Although my personal life has been thrown into upheaval within the last few months my passion for the subject and the experiences I have had though my studies have  kept me going.

I look forward to an tough and intense year and hopefully a bright and prosperous future